“If
anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and
children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person
cannot be my disciple. - Luke 14:26, NIV
I hate that verse. I wish Jesus wouldn't have said it. Yes, I've heard the explanations. I know Jesus could not have meant that literally. "What he really meant," I've heard it postulated, "was that you aren't suppose to love them more than you love Jesus." I think that's an adequate interpretation, but what does that look like?
I hesitate to comment, much less preach on this verse, because so many families are less than what they should be (mine included, at times). There is already enough hate, divorce, and dysfunction in many of our families without adding these words. Unfortunately, as a result of the state of the American family (about half of ALL marriages end in divorce), we've tried to overcompensate. "We've "focused on the family" to ensure that Christian marriages do not reflect this same statistic, with little to no avail.
As a pastor, I'm jealous of my family time. Yes, I get Fridays off to spend with my daughter, but it is during the time that my wife works. Our Saturdays are often spent doing projects we don't have time to take care of during the week, and my Sundays are divided between morning worship, evening activities, and various obligations that arise in between those times (meetings, visitation, nursing home ministries, etc).
In other words, I understand the importance of guarding your family time. I've heard too many pastors lament that they failed to do so, and have seen the tragic consequences that have ensued. Still, this does not justify making family the end all. In many Christian subcultures, families turn inward to protect themselves, and miss out on the fact that Christian families are not supposed to be only about self-preservation. Family time around the dinner table is valuable, so is attending extra-curricular activities and going on vacations. But you can do all of these things, have a seemingly happy family, and NOT REALLY be living Christian lives.
You've heard the phrase "the family that prays together, stays together." I won't say that is a false statement, but I will say that it drastically reduces prayer to something that is self-seeking, and not God-centered. For many families, semi-regular church attendance, prayers at dinner time, and perhaps even Bible reading, have simply become a means to make sure they are not like "those other families."
And what happens when a family does all this stuff, and doesn't stay together? Perhaps that is the proverbial "elephant in the room" for many who have tried to "Fireproof" their marriage, learn each others' "love languages," or even to line their relationship up with what someone described to be a "biblical definition."
Where did they go wrong? They listened to the majority of our churches that place family relationships over a relationship with Jesus. There's nothing wrong with Christian books and seminars that attempt to strengthen our families. But there is something wrong with communicating (purposely or inadvertently) that these types of things will solve all your problems, simply because they have a Christian stamp on them.
Jesus is NOT the answer to your marriage problems. A relationship with him is first and foremost, an answer to your own sin problem. With him in your life, you stand a chance at having more fruitful family relationships. But NOT when those relationships are placed before your relationship with him.
I hate that verse. I wish Jesus wouldn't have said it. Yes, I've heard the explanations. I know Jesus could not have meant that literally. "What he really meant," I've heard it postulated, "was that you aren't suppose to love them more than you love Jesus." I think that's an adequate interpretation, but what does that look like?
I hesitate to comment, much less preach on this verse, because so many families are less than what they should be (mine included, at times). There is already enough hate, divorce, and dysfunction in many of our families without adding these words. Unfortunately, as a result of the state of the American family (about half of ALL marriages end in divorce), we've tried to overcompensate. "We've "focused on the family" to ensure that Christian marriages do not reflect this same statistic, with little to no avail.
As a pastor, I'm jealous of my family time. Yes, I get Fridays off to spend with my daughter, but it is during the time that my wife works. Our Saturdays are often spent doing projects we don't have time to take care of during the week, and my Sundays are divided between morning worship, evening activities, and various obligations that arise in between those times (meetings, visitation, nursing home ministries, etc).
In other words, I understand the importance of guarding your family time. I've heard too many pastors lament that they failed to do so, and have seen the tragic consequences that have ensued. Still, this does not justify making family the end all. In many Christian subcultures, families turn inward to protect themselves, and miss out on the fact that Christian families are not supposed to be only about self-preservation. Family time around the dinner table is valuable, so is attending extra-curricular activities and going on vacations. But you can do all of these things, have a seemingly happy family, and NOT REALLY be living Christian lives.
You've heard the phrase "the family that prays together, stays together." I won't say that is a false statement, but I will say that it drastically reduces prayer to something that is self-seeking, and not God-centered. For many families, semi-regular church attendance, prayers at dinner time, and perhaps even Bible reading, have simply become a means to make sure they are not like "those other families."
And what happens when a family does all this stuff, and doesn't stay together? Perhaps that is the proverbial "elephant in the room" for many who have tried to "Fireproof" their marriage, learn each others' "love languages," or even to line their relationship up with what someone described to be a "biblical definition."
Where did they go wrong? They listened to the majority of our churches that place family relationships over a relationship with Jesus. There's nothing wrong with Christian books and seminars that attempt to strengthen our families. But there is something wrong with communicating (purposely or inadvertently) that these types of things will solve all your problems, simply because they have a Christian stamp on them.
Jesus is NOT the answer to your marriage problems. A relationship with him is first and foremost, an answer to your own sin problem. With him in your life, you stand a chance at having more fruitful family relationships. But NOT when those relationships are placed before your relationship with him.
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